Still Monday 23.33
Today passed in a strange way. It seemed a short day… at seven I felt like it was three. Still hard…as soon as we are more than three actors I loose my temper. I realize we are difficult and tough to stand and I hope that when I get older and I’ll have some kids of my own or at least very close friends that would have the guts to tell me I ran off the rails. That could be sad. Not to say tiring.
Today we shot the “home” meal. I don’t feel connected with that space and I realize there are so many different opinions about my character…everyone sees kiki in a different way and I don’t have other alternative than to melt all these images if I don’t want to wake up in a fake character. Sometimes I sometimes get the feeling that nobody agreed as far as I’m concerned.
Whatever… today I was quiet and serious, I minded my work and I said what I thought in such a way that I didn’t disturb things because there are moments when I find it senseless to generate discussions. Today it seemed that I was making noise whenever I put a meat ball on the plate, at every stretch over the table and at every sip of water-with-juice-to look like-tuica. And after I got tired of explaining, I said “ok” and I went on minding my business, without taking part in the game of justifying in front of my class mates.
In exchange, I like more and more some people from the crew. I feel good. There are people in front of whom I stand right and without any effort and who transmit a great energy. Or at least they don’t burden me foolishly. I appreciate them for their pertinence, justice in remarks and for their silence. Greeeeat thing.

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